Saturday, August 28, 2010
12:46:00 AM
I just did not want to take the blame for making the other party unhappy..
I did not want to be the cause of the other party's pain or hurt.
In other words, I am also a coward.
I really cannot stand me being the cause of all these pain.
No matter in which relationship.
I remembered something that I had told Auda.
In actual fact, we are the ones who are stupid and silly.
Because we are the ones who do not dare to try.
It's too late~ to apologize. It's too late~
I hate this song with a vengeance. If I hate anything, it's because it's the truth.
Sorry for being a coward. Sorry for being selfish.
Sorry for not being more tolerant.
I remembered I promised that no matter how much you hurt me, I will still tolerate.
I thought I had really improved my level of tolerance by leaps and bounds.
In the end.. I just simply couldn't visualise our futures.. especially when you asked me questions like, "What will you do when in the end, after ten years, I still couldn't accept you. Or marry you."
Such questions..they actually pierce and hurt my heart very much.
Still, I replied such questions always very nonchantly, "lidat lor, what you expect me to do? Just go off lor."
The main reason was still the fact that I could not stand you looking emo everyday.
And I AM THE FREAKING CAUSE.
I tried..to act like a happy fool.. to cheer you up. Talking in monologues to prevent you from being emo..
Giving you surprises..
But you were still emo everyday.
It is my fault. I do not want it to be my fault.
What can I do to end that?
Break up.
This way, you do not need to force yourself accept me anymore..
I do not need to let you see the uglier side of me... because I was beginning to flare up after 6 months..
I needed it to end before I blew up.
And I realized everything was shattered into pieces in the first place. We were just trying to find the pieces and put them together. And kept failing.
Humpty Dumpty..couldn't be put together again.
And this feeling... this feeling of you possibly being happier..without me.
And this sandwiched-in-between hurt and pain.. to listen to you-know-who, while being with you. The guilt.
分开是一种解脱
爱情是一道伤口
我们各自苦痛
沉默是我最后的药
是因为我太爱你
Oh, please, anyone who is reading this, please do not scold me or whatever again.
This is my blog, I write as I please...
Thus,
since I am the one hurting people,
due to my selfishness,
I hereby announce,
that I will punish myself,
for remaining like this.
``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-
