Wednesday, September 08, 2010
1:03:00 AM
I know I would get strike by lightning for doing this.. but I just went to the kitchen.
And confronted my dad again.
It has been months since I confronted.
And it turned into scolding and crying on my part..
Seriously.. he is already 62, yet still so childish.
ROLL?
THE BUSINESS CAN ROLL THE LOSSES?
PLEASE LA.
Jan owed around $2k+
June owed around $6k+
Then what? End of year $10k?
And I wait for his sms again? To transfer him money again?
My bank is left with 1k.
How many more times I can lend him?
I pleaded with him.. I begged...
I talked sense into him to no avail.
I even said every month I give you all my salary.. 1k enough?
Not enough, I go work for tuition?
He was still aiya.. dunno... (sounds like someone right!)
Then said he will think somemore...
Don't give me the bullshit about not enough money every month.
We survived last time without the shop!
He just pushed everything to bad luck bad luck.
Bullshit.
Every month his salary goes into my mama's pocket to pay for utility bills and stuff like that.
He only needs to apparate enough money to buy food for himself and ONLY breakfast for my mother everyday, plus his own transport money.
That money I CAN GIVE LOR.
Then i rattled on..told him that he was immature etc... He was very diminished after my confrontation..
But I bet.. nothing will happen.
This will still continue.
Maybe continue until one day I cannot take the stress anymore and die.
What if I never did go into NIE?
I kept emphasizing I dont want back the money, plus he wouldn't even be able to pay me back...
Just save the money... for goddamn sake..
At least I didn't scream at him sia.. I merely cried and became agitated..
Because I can imagine our futures if this goes on...
Maybe he will be bankrupted again...
What if my mum couldn't handle the stress and commit suicide?
Please lor, she super volatile de.
HAiz.
Why all the problems in my life JUST CANNOT BE SOLVED?
EVEN THOUGH I HAVE USED UP ALL MY SOLUTIONS??
1. Money
Solutions tried: borrowing from bank, giving them money, scolding and confrontations.
2. Family
Solutions tried: tried getting them to go out together, tried smsing and msning my brother, tried to meet my brother, tried meeting up with my "closest" aunt and only cousin.
3. Friends
Solutions tried: tried to organise outings, tried to lend everyone a listening ear, tried to be more open, tried to change my character to suit friends.
4. Relationship
Solutions tried: be together as BGR, broke up, be together in a confirmed open relationship, "be" with him occasionally when he needs me, tried liking other people, be single.
5. Dream/Career
Solutions tried: just continue on doggedly.
ALL FAILED.
ALL SOLUTIONS FAILED.
Tell me, what other solutions can I try?
Can you accuse me of not trying?
The results of me trying?
1. Family still as "close" as ever.
2. Financial problem is looming up close and threatening to kill me.
3. Friends still love to back out from outings last minute and never ever take the initiative to ask me out.
4. Heart still hurts tremendously no matter what I do, be it studying, stoning, lying on bed or out with friends.
5. Heart is still with my dream, but I am trying to adapt to my career for the sake of everyone.
What is the use of trying?
Will all these trying do me any good?
I am at breaking point. Trust me.
Right now, I am trying not to see his facebook profile anymore.
Since morning. Yeah, keep up the good work. *sarcastic*
I also tried listening to happy songs. Tried studying.
EVERYTHING IS TRY TRY TRY.
Who is the idiot who said you should keep trying?
I have been trying for years, dammit.
``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-
