Friday, June 17, 2011
5:39:00 AM
Even now, I am still super depressed and break down at every opportunity.
I kept pinching myself until my thighs were full of blue-black bruises to check if all this is a nightmare and I could wake up from it.
The pain, sadness and a whole bunch of guilt are almost unbearable.
All I could do is to tolerate my existence on this Earth.
Maybe after all I am a jinx.
I have already tried to compensate everything.. do everything in my power.. offer alternatives..
I wish I am the other party.. because I know that I won't be as sad as now. I would just say life is unfair to myself and let it be.
But I am the culprit.
I rather be the victim.
Maybe I shouldn't be here at all.
I have only myself to blame. It's either me being unlucky, too scatterbrain, too ignorant or too stupid.
I think it is a combination.
What can I do?
I am powerless. I hate myself when I tried everything I could do but in the end, it was still like this.
Or maybe because I am too assuming.
Assumed expiry date means expiry date.
Assumed that expiry date is really the expiry date when the previous agency told me that "aiya don't worry about the date. The month is so long away, confirm valid."
Assumed that the website did not come up with an error so it was valid.
Assumed that the present agency would at least check.
All in all, it is my stupidity.
I really hate myself.
``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-
